Do you believe in magic?

AN-NA-RA-SU-MA-NA-RA

And... the great Ilkwon Ha does it again!! POW!

Or rather he already did it but I didn't read his works in chronological order hehe.

The official Summary of Annarasumanara: Yun Ai wanted to be a magician when she was little. But now in reality, she is a high school student who cannot even afford new stockings. Since the day she met a real magician at a fair, she desperately wants to follow her dream.

I have to say I really admire his style. It was such a short manhwa but the characters he created and the experiences he gave them were so real that it didn't even matter. He really does have a premise/theme and really focuses on it. If he didn't then it wouldn't be so touching. It wouldn't have such meaning.

But it really did have a huge impact. This manhwa obviously talks about dreams as you can tell from the summary. A lot of comics that are targeted at children are very unrealistic when it comes to dreams. They say things like "follow your heart" which is too vague to be very good instruction. But Annarasumanara tells it how it is. It portrays the reality of life as well as the magic. It displays the good and the bad of both following your dream and sticking to a career you might not necessarily want to do.

One of the comments said that this manhwa should be available to all parents and children so they can develop a better understanding. I of course wholeheartedly agree and while it is available it isn't prominent enough. But of course the flaws in the education system are many and that is an argument better left for another time.

Ilkwon Ha's works really are inspiring. This one was more poetic and artistic than the others, but lacked the comedy of the others. I highly recommend this - 10/10.

If you've read it and want to discuss feel free to comment ^^

Meditation

I've continued listening to the Pema Chodron Audio Collection and it continues to be both very calming and insightful. All the things I'm learning seem to be very logical. It's almost like if I meditated for 100 years and reflected on all that I've learnt then this is what I would come up with. So without further to do - lets briefly review what I've learnt these past two days.

Expecting Struggle
I guess most people (including me) think that if you meditate it becomes easy. As you work your way up it should get easier and easier until one day you reach mythical enlightenment  and meditation becomes a crystal clear space within you. Thinking this way is a sure way to set yourself up for discouragement.

On the contrary, you should expect struggle. Well maybe you shouldn't expect struggle so deliberately otherwise that is just another thing to worry about. But when it does come it shouldn't be a surprise and it should be like any other thought/dream that you gently let go of. I'm referring to struggle here very loosely but Pema talked about more specific struggles so I'll review some of those too.

Creative Commons - https://www.flickr.com/photos/icrontic/3711628437

Not saying 'POT!'
I wasn't sure how to title this section so I've given it that title and it should become clearer as you read further on. Pema talked about a problem she encountered while meditating and that was being sleepy. She would sit down to meditate and become very drowsy and instead lie down and have a nap.

I'm guessing this happened a decent amount because she asked a famous yogi (whose name I have forgotten) how to fight drowsiness while meditating and this was his advice: "say 'POT!'". So she tried it and it worked, she no longer felt drowsy. Once again she went back to her meditation practice and of course once the alertness from saying pot before wore off she became drowsy again.

This time she knew what to do. She could just say pot and she would be able to stay awake, but as easy as it was she thought 'I don't want to say pot, I want to sleep'. So instead she lay down and slept. The morale of this story is that the 'I don't want to say pot' thought is just a thought, just a dream. If you continue with meditation then you will come to something similar and what you should do is not be surprised. Just breath out thinking 'thought' and let it go.

Being in the moment
Pema told a story she had heard going around about a man from a culture who had a certain belief about what happens when you die. They believed that when you die you go through lots of tunnels until you finally reach the ocean at which point you will have reached the afterlife. Anyway this man somehow fell into a coma and was sent to a nearby hospital, but the hospital wasn't advanced enough so they sent him away to a bigger city with a better hospital.

He was sent on a train and on the train he passed through many tunnels after which he reached the ocean. I guess he must have been conscious at that point but I forgot exactly how it happened so you'll have to forgive me. Well he recovered but he believed that he was dead because of the way he got to his new location.

That man lived the rest of his life believing he was dead. He was a grown up man who behaved like a child because he never thought 'I know what this is'. Instead he thought 'So this is what the afterlife is like?'. He was hugely curious and lived completely in the moment - this is what we should aim for.

Pema Chodron - First Experience

Well I've finished my degree which was the most stressful part of my life to date and you'd think I would be on top of the world right now, but that definitely hasn't been the case lately. It seems like life will always have things to throw at you be they family matters, relationship drama, financial/work issues or bad health - the list goes on. So when I was listening to Tim Ferriss interview Seth Godin the other day and he said that the Pema Chodron audio collection are great for dealing with stress it piqued my interest. Not to mention I've been meaning to get Tim's books for ages from audible.com and I finally got around to it this morning.

I ended up signing up for the membership which gives you one audio-book every month with the first month being free. I bought the 4 hour work week and the 4 hour body because they were on sale and with my monthly credit I bought the Pema Chodron audio collection. So far I have listened to the first chapter which went for half an hour and I feel pretty happy with my purchase!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Pema-Chodron-Audio-Collection/dp/1591791596

It has detailed the basics of her style of meditation and I just want to summarize the main points. She talked about having a friendly outlook when meditating and at first I thought she was only relating that to humans but later she elaborated and stated that it was a friendly outlook to all things in general (I think). This includes your own thoughts, worries, pains, and goings on of the world.

This idea is so simple and  yet so brilliant. It feels like all the meditation I have done in the past has mostly been a waste, although I have felt some benefit before I sense that I could have gotten so much more out of it if I had known this sooner. Previously I would focus on stilling my mind, erasing all thoughts as soon as they appeared. In contrast Pema teaches to gently let go of the thoughts, but the major difference is practicing something rather than just erasing something.

If I build up friendliness to all things then I am creating change within myself rather than just getting rid of thoughts. It's as if before, if my mind was a blackboard I was just dusting it clear but this way I am drawing out who I want to be. I guess that is what comes of being stubborn and trying to reinvent the wheel of meditation, rather than learning from others.

Pema also went into detail on how to hold your body and what to do physically but they aren't very interesting, so I'll talk about the more thought provoking topics such as how she talked about thoughts. She described thoughts as being similar to dreams in that they are only as real as you let them be. Thoughts can be utterly debilitating. We can trap ourselves inside a web of dreams with all the crazy thoughts we have running around inside our heads. When you realize that your thoughts are only thoughts or dreams and all the stress and anxiety you may feel from them is a part of that dream it becomes much easier to deal with them.

That leads on to another idea she presented. That things don't matter as much as they seem. You can acknowledge things for what they are but don't blow them out of proportion. I recognize now that that is what I'm always doing. Every little worry I have has been exaggerated so that one thing that should probably only be a concern became something that I agonized over.

Jesus says in the bible also not to worry and that's all well and good but things like giving all your worries to God through prayer have never really worked for me. That's why meditation like this is so good - you are actively creating someone who doesn't worry. So I'll keep it up and hopefully I can be someone who doesn't worry so much!

Duty after School - Thoughts

So I've been hooked on this Manhwa lately called 'Duty after School' by Ilkwon Ha which is on the webtoons app (which is amazing btw). The Summary is thus: What would you do if your school's extracurricular activity was a military service a midst actual war? A class of students are turned into platoons of soldiers in a war against unknown, possibly alien, slim-like objects.

Ilkwon Ha also wrote 'God of Bath' which is an absolutely hilarious manhwa about bathing houses and with this manhwa in addition his service record is quite impressive. His character creation is very well done, there are no gaps in logic and both of the story ideas were very interesting. The art style is not super detailed but it reveals emotions well and is very effective at telling the story which is the most important part.

This story brings out the ugliness of human nature very well and it can be very dark and harsh. But it also shows the goodness of humans too, so its actually pretty well balanced for this genre. It portrays the heavy emotions just as well as the shallow and includes well placed and very natural feeling humor too. Not to mention it is a drama about teenagers so of course it has romance which is yet again executed very well.

All round it is a pretty damn amazing manhwa and I highly recommend it!

[SPOILER ALERT - CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK]

So I'm just at the point where they have arrived at their second assignment area after having been told that they would be sent home in the very immediate future. There have been many deaths and misdeeds have been swept under the rug. Their lives are pretty bleak but they seem to just keep going on at this stage.

The scene with the teacher and students who stayed back getting told by the student (Ang I think) who was sent home due to his leg being injured sparked something within me. Ang was saying that they couldn't understand how utterly terrifying it was. As if all the dreams and hopes you have are stripped away when faced with war. And when you've watched/read enough of these life and death stories you take some of it into you. It feels like you are there, like people important to you have died and you don't feel anything except numbness.

Also when I see all the weak characters that freeze or hide in fear when confronted with danger I get so angry at them. But of course I've never been in those situations where death is a hair-breadth away and if you choose to do the right thing it's almost like you are throwing away your life. I wonder if I could react like all the heroes do? I wonder if I would stand up or be frozen by the fear?

I guess I'm lucky that I don't know the answer.

IQ vs. EQ

So I've been listening to Tim Ferris interview Walter O'Brien (AKA "Scorpion") and they were talking about IQ (Intelligence quotient) versus EQ (Emotional quotient) and it sparked some thoughts. The reason they were talking about it was because Scorpion tested out at 197 IQ at age nine which classified him as a child prodigy. Also for those who don't know what EQ is it is pretty much being aware of one's own and others emotions and how those emotions affect everything.

So if I recall correctly, Scorpions opinion on the matter was that generally if  you have a high IQ (150+) then that will hamper your ability to traverse the stream that is life (my own words folks). Apparently while people with less IQ are trying their best at life, the high IQ people are looking beyond the task at hand and wondering what the point of it all is. Rather than solving the life problems in front of them they are looking beyond the problems into the future and searching for meaning.

If all we do is work really hard, have some fun, make some mistakes, have some experiences, and finally grow old and die then what is the point of it all? Scorpion said that most geniuses think thoughts like these and unfortunately many (not sure about the number) commit suicide before the age of 16. Now I'm not saying I'm a genius but that childhood is sounding very familiar, but of course I'm still here so obviously so no need to worry folks. It reminds me of Solomon who said "for with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief" Ecclesiastes 1:18.

Of course there was more to their talk than that. I also found the relationship between EQ and IQ very interesting. Apparently naturally those with high IQ have low EQ and generally I think you will naturally have a higher EQ if you have a lower IQ. The big difference comes from the fact that you can raise  your EQ through learning but IQ is somewhat unalterable. But let's not confuse IQ with being smart, you can definitely get smarter by changing the way you approach problems, using different techniques, so on and so forth.

Scorpion is a prime example of a child prodigy who had a massive IQ and little EQ who then went on to train up his EQ and be very successful in life. His company is actually based around having many geniuses who have crazy IQ's and are supervised by people called super nannies. These super nannies instead have very impressive EQ's and are able to teach and literally baby sit the geniuses to make sure they use their intellect in the most correct fashion.

All this reminded me of those periods where I'm either studying, reading, gaming in large amounts and having less exposure to human interaction. I find that my mind will be more clear and focused. I will think faster and enjoy thinking. It's like, rather than getting tired of what I'm doing I just keep getting better and better, but when this happens I've noticed some negatives.

I tend to get very easily annoyed at people. Its obvious if I'm in the middle of something and someone interrupts me - I will get really annoyed (of course I try not to show it because I know I'm just overreacting). This I'm sure is common for most people (yes?), but I have also noticed my mind wanting to order everyday very systematically and if there is one change to the routine it is very frustrating. Even if it's something I like and there is plenty of time I just get so annoyed that the perfect plan I had got ruined.

So I wonder what would happen if you isolated a person and had them perform some activity or routine to get them into that zone and had them take an IQ test. After have them get back to normal life interacting with people and have them take it again. Perhaps it would be normal for people to test better when isolated? Perhaps this is already common knowledge? I don't know because I haven't researched it. Mostly because I want to write a post everyday and if I spend too much time researching then it will be too time consuming and it will be harder to build up the  habit.

Anyway if anyone reads this please tell me what you think or know. All this IQ/EQ stuff is pretty interesting huh?

Religious Doubts

I was raised in the SDA (seventh day adventist) church and as many who grow up in the church I believed that God was real. I didn't doubt, I didn't wonder, I just believed. When I got to my teen years I had a falling out with Him and when I came back as an adult I was back in the church because I wanted to be, which is much better than being forced to be there as a kid.

Now that I've been back in the church for a while my fire for God has dwindled somewhat. I think I owe that somewhat to being surrounded by my friends from university and somewhat maybe because it would have happened eventually anyway. For whatever reason the question that lingers in the back of my mind a lot now days is this:

"What if God wasn't real?"

If God wasn't real then I could be more in control of my own life. I would be free to believe what I truly want to. I would be free to try different things. If I failed in life then the failings would be my own and I could go back to the drawing board and try again. Then again... if I failed then I wouldn't have God to fall back on either. 

Some of the things I just mentioned are real desires that may be partially prevented by my religion but I think most are prevented by me. God isn't the kind of guy. In church they talk a lot about God taking control of your life but in the end we can pray and try to listen but we aren't going to get our life plan in writing. We will ultimately be the ones making the decisions. So I think that I have all the control I need really. 

As for being free to believe what I truly want I think I will check out some Buddhism stuff because I've been interested in it for a while. I don't think God will frown on that at all. I think he would encourage me to see all there is to see. If I like it then I can accept it, but I seriously doubt I will start worshiping Buddha. Originally I am more of a practical guy so if something helps me live my life better than great but if I don't see a use for it then I won't accept it into myself. 

Failings. I think the times I've failed in life, whether I've been close to God at the time or not, the failings have felt mostly the same. The actions and choices are all ultimately mine so I'm not blaming God. But when you fall its much nicer to have someone with you and God is the one who will never not be there. 

That of course brings the question up again "Was he really ever there to start with?". Now I've felt things and seen things turn out that have got to be more than just coincidence but of course I don't have any facts. The doubt is still there whenever I think of leaning on God. Have I just been brainwashed since I was young to create this imaginary being who will always be there for me precisely because he is imaginary? Does it matter if he isn't real? If I still gain from following him isn't it OK? 

I think there is something in everyone that wants to know the truth of things. If he wasn't real I think I would want to know so I could face reality, but I don't know either way as it is. 

Someone said something to me not too long ago. They told me that they had doubts about God (not about Him being real but about other things) and that it was just part of the journey. So I think I'll borrow from them and mull over the doubt. I'll keep it with me as I journey. I'll explore what I want and make the decisions I want. 

And in the end I'll probably come back to God on my hands and knees crying regardless of whether he is real or not. 

On Ambition

Does one need ambition to work hard or be successful in life? Let's look at the definition first: 'a strong desire to do or achieve something'. I guess I had a different idea of the word ambition. When I think of ambition I guess I think of having a lot of motivation but more than that I think of greed. When I think of all the people who I have heard called ambitious I think of someone who is ready to push aside others in order to make it to the top.

Haha that reminds me of the Zoolander line "No matter how many people you leave broken or dying along the way, so long as you can make it as an investigatory journalist (x3)" or some such. But yeah I guess that is what I think of, but that doesn't make sense when I think of all the successful people that Tim Ferriss interviews. While just about all of them are ambitious, at the same time the majority of them seem to make helping people one of their major goals in life. So I guess that makes my preconceptions of ambition pretty silly then.

Well while I would say I'm not ambitious about accruing a lot of material wealth I think I can honestly say I am ambitious about learning. If ambition is simply a strong desire to do something then I guess it can't be bad by itself. Now lets get back to the first question I posed.

If one has a good work ethic then I think it is possible to work hard and be successful regardless of ambition(strong desire). But then what motivates the work ethic? For me I would say I am motivated to have a good work ethic because I have a strong desire to show quality in everything that I do. So there we have it - ambition again. But can you have a good work ethic without ambition? What other reasons would you have? If there is no strong desire motivating you then would there be only negative consequences motivating you? Wouldn't that only end up badly?

I believe that humans need to do what they want. Now I don't mean that people just need to go out and have fun and they need nothing more than merriment in life. I mean that if you have no desire to do a thing then you shouldn't make that one of your major goals in life. I believe excellence follows desire/passion (defining which is another whole talk by itself), and if you attempt to apply yourself to something you have no desire to do then you will be pushing the boulder up the hill.

Of course a lot of the time people don't know what they want. People don't know what their ambition is. Sometimes people think they want something but they don't really understand it. That of course is where it gets really complicated and it's different for every person.

That is life.

Public thoughts and Life Direction

So I was listening to a podcast where Tim Ferriss interviewed Seth Godin. They were talking about adding value to peoples lives which a lot of people who Tim interviews seem to talk about. Anyway one thing Seth said to do was to write one blog post everyday. From what I can recall the reasoning behind his advice was to add value to the people who read the posts and also to develop personally.

I believe the way he described it developing you personally was that if you take a stand on something everyday publicly - that act will help you grow personally. I figure I am butchering everything he said but I kind of get what he means. When you write your thoughts out and you do it in public where everyone can see it and hold you accountable it is suddenly another part of you that is real.

It's like you are a jigsaw puzzle except you are the one who creates your pieces and decides where they go. If you choose to make your jigsaw puzzle in the dark and never show anyone then the significance plummets. But if you choose to work in the light so you can see what you are doing and everyone else can too then it has so much more power.

Only you can decide what pieces you create, where you put them and who to show. So why not do your best under the light?

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Haha beware the cheesiness!

Well that took a turn, but it was meaningful. I've just finished my Chiropractic degree (graduated last night) and with all this choice before me I've been sort of directionless. Well I guess I have some direction but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. It seems like for every decision I make I have something to lose and even though I could give myself some amazing advice if I wasn't myself (complicated) it's hard to listen to yourself in these situations.

It's like when you are a kid and you see your parents doing all these things and you say "When I grow up and have children I would do right by them and not do all this rubbish". But then you grow up and realize how freaking hard things can really be and what your parents did doesn't seem so bad. Plus I'm not even a parent yet so I don't know the half of it.

In effect I know I should just sacrifice things to move forward but I'm more afraid of losing things than I thought I would be when I was just an onlooker. For everything you do in life there are plus's and minus's and no one reaches their death bed after living a long life without loss so why not just go for it? In the end you'll only have yourself to blame.